So we all know what a minefield dating is these days - right? Everyone online lies or at least exaggerates their good points, leaving the bad stuff out - that's advertising I suppose. Guys send rude pictures, or ask you to send rude pictures. They make outrageous requests before knowing your name. They are only after one thing. Online dating, though much more widely used these days, is getting a bad rep among us more discerning ladies looking for a genuine relationship. It even appears to be changing the way we have relationships; where we used to have some dates, getting to know each other over time etc, it all seems to be about hook-ups lately. Instant gratification. And I'm not sure that's a good thing even for the younger of us!
So are all men misogynists now?
When you listen to media and tales from friends of their misadventures, it would seem a large proportion of men have forgotten how to behave with a lady. Or perhaps they are not being taught at all? They say they love women, but what they love is for women to act the way they want and expect. Is this the fault of women-kind? As mothers not teaching our boys respect for women, or girlfriends putting up with bad behaviour. Are we letting men get away with being bad?
Or does it run deeper? Is this a natural reaction to women gaining more power in society and men, feeling threatened, needing to put us back in our place?
I am all for equality, but I do not wish to undermine the role of the male. I like men and believe firmly that society needs both the sexes to function in a good and healthy way. Lets face it though - the chaps have been running things (or thinking they have) for so long now that it must have come as a surprise to learn that us ladies are just as capable of thinking, managing, making, healing, theorising and even fighting. Are the chaps with perhaps less insight finding this difficult to deal with and rebelling a little?
Actually I don't think it's just the guys who are struggling with the new balance of power. I think a lot of ladies have taken it the wrong way too. For example, while posing naked may seem empowering and means a pretty lady can earn a great load of cash, it's not really what gaining more power and equality for women was all about. More like just playing into a dominant male societies hands. The early suffragettes would be turning in their graves. It's just my opinion, but I don't think this is putting equality for women to good use.
In fact the sexualisation of everything these days is a whole other post, but I wonder if it's secretly encouraged by governments to keep people occupied with more carnal thoughts rather than actually noticing the balls-up they are making of running the place?! "Keep them busy with the latest celebrity sex tape so we can get on and sell off the NHS". Am I cynical? Maybe, but it's the way things are that have made me that way.
Society used to have firm rules which seemed to keep most people happy and polite. With the braking down of those values it's almost as though anything goes, and people are unhappy and impolite as a result. I'm not saying we shouldn't have progressed, but I do think we are in a state of flux at the moment - kind of in between change happening and people accepting it - and I sincerely hope that common decency will resume shortly and leave us all in a better world.
So chaps - it's not OK to send ladies photos of your tackle without permission. It's not the norm for sex to all be about S&M - if you get off on hurting others, or being hurt by them there's something not quite right. It's still polite to open a door for any fellow human being. Women are not possessions, but have real feelings - as I think do you, underneath it all. And it's really not OK to not listen when a lady says 'NO'. Try not to bring trauma from your last relationship into a new one - we are no more all the same than you are. Don't tell us you love us, then decide we just don't fit into your life. (And these are just some problems from the western world - don't get me
started on female genital mutilation, or subjugating women by dictating
what they wear). Women are sensitive, emotional beings by nature - that's not a bad thing - it allows us to love and nurture your children, even when they give us no sleep and wreck our bodies.
Please men - treat us with more respect. We are not a mysterious alien race; we are just like you, with different bits. Talk to us; care for us and nurture our sensitive nature - it might just care for you when you are old and infirm. We may not be perfect either, but we want our daughters to grow up in a world where women are celebrated, not victimised and sexualised half the time, and ignored the other half. Yes we are different and as a general rule there are things men are better at and things women are better at, but no one should claim that one is better than the other. Our differences mean we can work perfectly as a team - as the natural order of things decrees. Men, it does not immasculate you to be kind to women. It may be my age, but I for one am not attracted to the kind of man who thinks it was ever OK to 'treat them mean'. I don't like a bad boy, a cheater or a liar. Give me a really modern man who isn't threatened by a strong woman, who has manners, who admits when he's wrong, and who is kind, fights injustice and stands up for women's rights and equality.
If any such men exist, and are single - please do get in touch ;)